My Life with Jessica: A Sibling Day Reflection

Growing up, my sister Jessica and I were typical siblings in many ways—sharing toys, playing games, and having fun together. However, our sibling bond had its unique challenges. After Jessica was diagnosed with autism at 2 years old, I realized her world was different from mine, and it deeply shaped both our lives.

Jessica feeling upset after my parents asked her to smile for the picture in the middle of her playing.

As the older sister by two years, I initially struggled with jealousy. Our parents poured enormous effort into supporting Jessica, which sometimes made me feel sidelined. Sharing wasn't just about toys; it felt like sharing my parents' attention, something that never seemed equally distributed. With Jessica's needs at the front, I also felt very pressured to be the "perfect" daughter, excelling academically and in extracurricular activities, all while struggling with the expectation that I would be there to support Jessica long into the future.

My frustration sometimes turned into resentment towards Jessica. Her unawareness of personal space and unpredictable movements led to many accidents, including one where I lost my two front teeth. I vividly remember lying peacefully in the bathtub when suddenly, Jessica dropped her red toy watering can from above, knocking out my two front teeth.

The red toy watering can

still haunts me to this day.

In moments of childish anger, I acted out in ways I'm not proud of, like spitting in her cup or writing her notes saying, “I hate you Jessica,” hoping somehow it would make me feel better. It didn't.

Socially, I felt isolated. Without a typical sibling to play and share experiences with, interacting with my peers felt awkward. I envied their effortless connections and often felt out of place trying to make my own. My social life, like much of my childhood, was shadowed by the complexities of living with a sibling with special needs. Inviting friends over was a source of anxiety—would Jessica have a meltdown? Would my friends think she’s weird? Would they understand?

But as the years passed, my perspective shifted. The turning point came during the pandemic, a time that brought its own set of challenges and reflections.

To all our surprise, Jessica received a school-recognized award at the end of the year for Positive Attitude. However, what shocked me most was that the award I had hoped for didn’t matter much to Jessica. Her true joy came not from achievements that offered worldly pride but rather simple pleasures and moments - eating a chocolate bar, drawing her favorite cartoon character, or completing a jigsaw puzzle. Unlike Jessica, I tirelessly yearned for recognition of my accomplishments and would feel great disappointment when I fell short. I found myself constantly grappling with pride, worry, and jealousy, a toxic cycle that never led to true happiness. This reflective moment with Jessica was an eye-opening lesson of humility and gratitude for me.

My journey from resentment to appreciation wasn't swift or easy, but it was transformative. I began to see Jessica not as a reminder of childhood struggles but as a unique individual with amazing strengths. Her diagnosis, once a point of conflict, became an aspect of our lives that, while challenging, brought its own joys and triumphs.

Inspired by our experiences, I have led a sibling-to-sibling club under a nonprofit organization called True Love for Hope. The club became a supportive platform for siblings like me to share our unique experiences. We discovered the powerful role we could play in our siblings' lives, often more effectively teaching and modeling behaviors than parents or other adults. Through activities like life skills workshops and a dancing club, we not only supported our siblings with special needs but also fostered a community that celebrated their abilities and our shared experiences.

This Sibling Day, I reflect on the journey Jessica and I have traveled. From the challenges of our early years to the understanding and advocacy of today, our relationship has become something beautiful and complex. It’s evidence of the power of acceptance, the importance of support networks, and the unique bond shared by siblings, shaped by love, resilience, and the recognition of each other's strengths. Our story isn't just about the difficulties of growing up with a sibling with special needs; it's about the profound love, learning, and maturity that comes when we all embrace our differences and support one another through every part of life.